Self-discrepancies refer to the differences between how we see ourselves and how we believe we should be. Understanding these discrepancies can give us insights into our mental health and well-being. Let’s break down the three main types of self-discrepancies: Actual, Ideal, and Ought.

What Are Self-Discrepancies?

Self-discrepancies occur when there’s a gap between our self-concept and our expectations or beliefs about ourselves. This can lead to various emotional responses, including sadness, anxiety, and low self-esteem.

1. Actual Self

• Definition: This is who you are at this moment. It includes your traits, behaviors, and feelings.
• Example: Imagine you consider yourself a shy person who struggles to speak in large groups.

2. Ideal Self

• Definition: This represents who you wish to be. It’s often shaped by your dreams, aspirations, and values.
• Example: You might dream of being confident and charismatic, the life of the party who engages everyone effortlessly.

3. Ought Self

• Definition: This reflects who you believe you should be, often based on societal expectations or obligations.
• Example: Perhaps you feel you ought to be more outgoing because your family values social engagement, even if you don’t feel that way inside.

The Impact of Self-Discrepancies on Mental Health

Understanding these three types of self-discrepancies can help us navigate our emotions and mental well-being. Here’s how they can affect us:

• Actual vs. Ideal Discrepancy: When there’s a large gap between who you are and who you want to be, it can lead to feelings of disappointment and sadness. For instance, if you see yourself as unfit but wish to be athletic, this gap can foster feelings of inadequacy.

• Actual vs. Ought Discrepancy: When your actual self doesn’t meet your perceived obligations, it can cause anxiety and guilt. If you believe you ought to be advancing in your career but find yourself stagnant, this can create stress and pressure to conform to these expectations.

• Ideal vs. Ought Discrepancy: This can create internal conflict. You may feel torn between your aspirations and your perceived duties. For example, if your ideal self is a free spirit who travels the world, but you feel you ought to stay in a stable job for financial security, it can lead to frustration and dissatisfaction.

Real-Life Applications

To better understand these concepts, consider these scenarios:

• Scenario 1: A student who dreams of pursuing art (ideal self) feels pressured to become a doctor (ought self) due to parental expectations. This conflict can lead to stress and burnout.
• Scenario 2: A young professional who sees themselves as lacking in leadership (actual self) but wishes to lead projects (ideal self) may experience low self-esteem and anxiety about their capabilities.

Steps to Address Self-Discrepancies

1. Self-Reflection: Take time to think about your actual self versus your ideal and ought selves. Journaling can help clarify your feelings.
2. Set Realistic Goals: Rather than aiming for perfection, set achievable goals that align with your true self.
3. Seek Support: Talking to a therapist or counselor can provide guidance in navigating these discrepancies.
4. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Understand that everyone struggles with self-discrepancies at times.

By recognizing and addressing these self-discrepancies, you can work towards a healthier mindset and improved mental well-being.